your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
