I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
3 2 1 whiskey
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
