i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
