It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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