I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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