just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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