your thong is hanging out like whoa
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
