I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
