She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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