Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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