Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize