I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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