so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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