Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
