we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
