Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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