If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize