you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
