I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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