he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
