Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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