Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
