its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
