The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
