so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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