In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
