Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
