VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
