Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
