just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
