he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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