Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
