Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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