I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
