You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
