I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You took a bar mat shot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
