Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize