Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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