My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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