someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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