what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
