mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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