I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
