matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
