Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
