I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
