If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
