oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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