Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
