so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
