Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Randomize
