You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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