im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
