i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
