I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
