i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
