I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
