i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
