She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You've changed since you got that strap on
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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