Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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