Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
