He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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