it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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