did you get engaged???
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
