I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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