I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
