my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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