It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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