Already got asked if we're dating
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
