Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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