Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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