im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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