she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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